Love Sick: No One Likes You When You’re 23

Recently I turned 23 and had a quarter-life realization. I thought back to my high school self and wondered what she would think of how things turned out for us. I remember thinking that 23 was going to be the age when I’d have everything worked out. I’d be done with college, starting my first real job, and I’d be engaged with plans for children in the near future. Of these plans my high school self dreamed up, only one of these has happened so far. And yet, I’m not at all disappointed with how things have turned out (except I would like to have a job).

I think it’s important to be flexible with plans you make for yourself. Some people get too caught up in their plans for themselves, and in a rush to make them happen, they don’t take a moment to stop and realize if this is what they want anymore.

Even as little as a year and a half ago, I still believed I’d be getting married right out of college. I was dating the first love of my life, and though we were always breaking up and having issues, I still envisioned us getting married and sticking to my plan of being married by 23. The relationship was destructive and unhealthy, and yet I stayed in it not only because I loved him, but I was scared of what would happen to my plan if we weren’t together. I’ve always had a plan for my life and felt that without one, I’d feel lost and alone. Finally, we did break up and I was devastated. I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore or what I was doing with my life. I had invested so much of myself into this plan of our life together, that I didn’t think I could go on alone.

However, soon I realized that life does go on. I put myself into school and working for the newspaper and I realized that being single out of college could actually be a good thing. I didn’t worry so much about finding someone to spend the rest of my life with and just focused on  being happy by doing what fulfilled me. I became a whole person who could survive and thrive without a boyfriend. And then what happened? I actually fell in love again. It wasn’t in the plan and yet there he was with his dimpled chin and muscular calves. We fell in love when I finally got to a point where my plan was to be single for awhile, so yet again I was breaking my plan. And I’ve never been happier.

It’s important to realize that no matter how many plans you try to set for your life, they won’t always work out the way you intend. But if you’re flexible and take life as it comes to you, things could turn out better than you could have ever planned for.