Love Sick: Defending Your Territory

I believe that men and women can be friends, as long as there is a definite line drawn between being friends and hooking up. As long as this line is never crossed, I don’t see why a male and female cannot have a fulfilling relationship. This is why I’ve been ok with “allowing” several of my boyfriends to have friends that are girls. However, if I ever feel they’re getting too cozy, I step in and put a stop to it.

For example, I recently  found out that a friend of my boyfriend’s put her head on his shoulder while hanging out. It was not just the two of them and a head on the shoulder is technically not considered cheating. But when I found out about it, I was pissed. I was glad he told me about it though, and I explained why I was upset. By telling him I felt it was disrespectful to our relationship to allow that to happen and by trying to put him in my shoes, he understood why I was making a big deal over something so small and promised to make sure it didn’t happen again.

If you’re in a similar situation where you don’t want to seem super possessive, but also don’t want to put your relationship in jeopardy, just explain to your boyfriend why it makes you upset. Tell him that how close he is getting with his girl friend is disrespectful to the relationship the two of you share, and ask him which relationship is more important for him to maintain. By putting things in perspective, you make clear why you being upset is valid and it’ll help him understand the importance of not toeing the line with his girl friends.

If he says that he is doing nothing wrong, I suggest you start acting the same way to a guy friend of yours and see how he feels about it. Pretty soon, he’ll definitely get the picture and will cool it on his friendship.

I definitely think that guys and girls can be friends and I think it’s important to maintain those friendships even when you enter into relationships. However, realize that some of the dynamics of the friendship are going to have to change. It’s no longer going to be ok to hang out one on one at each others houses in the middle of the night, because that is not going to make your significant other very happy. Instead, hang out in public, or invite other friends along so that it’s clear that there is nothing more than friendly feelings between the two of you. Be respectful of both your relationship and of the relationship between your friend and his/her significant other. You wouldn’t want to lose a good friend over something like a shoulder rest, would you?