Love Sick: Hands Off

I like to read through love/sex advice columns not only to help inspire me, but also because I think the dynamics of romantic relationships are fascinating and I’m always curious to know more about what other people are struggling with in their romances. A topic I often see discussed is the problem of having a crush on someone who is already in a relationship. These girls/guys will question whether it is right to pursue someone who is not available, especially if that person seems to return the feelings. In short, my answer to this question is a big fat NO. I don’t care how well it turned out for Brad and Angie!

I understand that you cannot help who you have a crush on, and it can really suck if the only thing holding you back from pursuing that person is the fact that they are already taken. You may feel like if you just give it a shot, they will realize what they’ve been missing out on and leave their partner to fall madly in love with you. And you’ll both be famous actors and adopt/produce a bunch of beautiful babies and live out your fairy tale life. It’s a nice fantasy and it is one that is often played out on film, in movies, and on the covers of tabloid magazines. However, in real life, things are a lot more complicated than that and things don’t always end in happily ever after.

First of all, don’t even try and pursue someone in a relationship. That is disrespectful to the person that they are dating and is really very sketchy. Look at how many people took Jennifer Aniston’s side even though they didn’t even know her. It’s because people understand that going after someone in a relationship is wrong, no matter who you are. If your crush likes you back enough to want to leave their partner for you, let them come to the realization on their own. This will create a lot less drama and you won’t have to feel like a home-wrecker.

Even worse, if that person cheats on their girlfriend with you, then you will always be slightly suspicious that they’ll do the same to you. I don’t like the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” but at lot of times it does represent the truth.

Finally, if the person doesn’t have the same feelings for you, or at least not to the point they’ll ever break-up with their partner for you, then you’re creating a lot of unnecessary drama and making things more complicated and awkward than they need to be.

Instead, realize that there are plenty of single people out in the world and go for them. Then you won’t have to deal with drama, baggage, and sneakiness and you can feel good about yourself for not causing pain to anyone else.

Remember: You don’t want to be the Angelina to his Brad! You don’t!